A Way to Take Part in the Blog

...anonymously. Have you ever wanted to comment on something here but don't want to be 'noticed' or have to log into the blog in some way? Now you can!! If you'll notice, on the bottom of each post now is a section called "reaction"...all you have to do is check off the box that you want. Best part for some people? It's anonymous. Now, it's a new feature in blogger, and let me know if you have any problems (you can always email me). I HOPE it's as easy as I think it's supposed to be. :) Have fun!!

Puuulling, Sliding, Tapping, Turning, too...

That's the first line of one of Zoe's favorite toys, a Fisher Price tool bench that Auntie Darcy got her (you can see a picture of it in the Thanksgiving pictures). Anyway, she LOVES this thing and "dances" to it by bopping her head up and down and tapping her foot on the floor. She'll also drag it around the floor flipping it so it's face down on the floor. Good times.

BIG NEWS! Zoe pulled up today. YIKES! She's been pushing up when she's on her knees so that her feet are flat on the floor but that she's still got her hands on the floor too. But, today, she got on her knees, put her hands on my leg (which was on the floor), pushed her butt up into the air and then grabbed onto the top of the coffee table and was standing alllll by herself. Of course, she needed a little help getting back down, but that's okay.

So, I think we're going to finally put the mattress on the lowest setting this weekend.

Our baby is growing up!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Zoe would like to tell everyone out here in cyber-world, "HAPPY THANKSGIVING!" She is very thankful for her family, her friends, her lambie (who she sleeps with), her kitty named Peanut (who may or may not feel the same way), and everyone who stops and tells her how cute and happy and friendly she is.

Seriously now, we'd like to, as a family, comment on how very thankful we are for all of the wonderful people in our lives. Over the last year to year and a half, from before Zoe was born to now, there have been many people who have come into our lives, or have been there but have been a HUGE part of this time. Noah and I have been very grateful for the people in our lives, who have touched our lives in so many ways. You have all helped in your own way, in so many different ways, and we are so thankful for having you in our lives. Zoe has benefited in so many ways, and we appreciate it so much.

This is a time to just stop, reflect, and thank all of those who are such an influence on us, and more importantly, on Zoe. All of you have helped contribute to her well-being, her growth and devleopment, and her future. Thank you.

Decisions, Decisions...

As a lot of people know, Zoe has been eating her morning cereal made with Neocate, a hypoallergenic formula that is broken down to the amino acids (building blocks of protein, if you didn't know). This is the smallest part a protein that the formula can be broken down, the most specialized form of formula. You can't even get it in the store...so needless to say, what we are about to announce is something that has taken a lot of time and energy for us to think about.

We've decided to wean Zoe from breastmilk to the Neocate. This was not an easy decision to make. I was having a hard time pumping to just keep up with Zoe. So, we kept trying to get her to take the formula in a bottle (not a simple feat because it's just not the same as what she's used to). Then, a couple of weeks ago, she just took it. Maybe Zoe just got used to it, or maybe she was hungry enough to take it. Regardless, she finally started taking it in a bottle, not just in her cereal. Trust me when I say how difficult this was to GET her to take it (at first we wanted her to be able to take it just in case I wouldn't be able to keep up with her). We flavored it different ways, had Noah try to give it to her, have me try to give it to her, had her daycare provider, Laura, try to give it to her. We tried different bottles, sippy cups, and even on a spoon, with and without a little cereal. She just WOULDN'T take it for the longest time.

Needless to say, taking the Neocate has made our life a little easier. It eased the stress I was feeling about not being able to keep up with Zoe (I'd been able to pump enough for one bottle for Zoe in one session at work, and while I was there, she'd take 2 bottles....do the math!). As she took to it more, we came to the decision that to ease my stress at work from not having enough time to do my work and to pump, not being able to get enough for Zoe, all of it. So, we started transitioning Zoe so that she takes 2 bottles of formula while at day care, and then I nurse still morning and night.

Instead of it alleviating my stress, it actually got more stressful. I won't go into details about how, but I was having a difficult time with it. So, after doing this for a couple of weeks, we, I, came to the decision to completely wean Zoe to the formula. Know the saying, "if momma ain't happy..." well, this is a sad decision to make, a difficult one, but I kept stressing about the half and half situation we had...this takes the guess work out of it. I was constantly guessing about the foods I couldn't eat, and if what I was eating was okay for Zoe, and it killed me whenever we'd go back to the doctor's office and wonder if there is blood in her stool or not.

We've also been told, because this is such a specialized formula, it can help her stomach heal so tha it can eventually take those proteins eventually (dairy, soy, and possibly egg). So, that's made this decision a lot easier to handle. And, with everything I've read about the formula, it can help reduce the spit up too. So, let's hope that it does what it is supposed to.

Unfortunately, there are not any over the counter alternatives. There is one other amino acid based formula, but that's it.

Fortunately, we have been able to get a few free cans from some generous people. I was pointed to a website where you fill out a short survey, and then they send you a free can of Neocate. They've filled out the survey and have sent us the can. It's definitely made this easier. Zoe is going to be on Neocate at LEAST until she's a year, and probably longer. And, if it's not Neocate, then there are toddler versions, if she's not on milk, at that point. (if anyone is interested in the survey to help out, go to www.testforallergy.com. It's easy and you won't get stuck getting 202384 emails after!)

This has not been an easy decision for me, but to have a happy baby, you must have a happy mommy. Stressing out is not going to make a happy mommy. So, this past week, we've dropped the night feeding, and this weekend, we'll be dropping the morning feeding so that she's on Neocate 100% of the time. It makes me sad to know that I won't be nursing Zoe for the year that I had planned, and I also think that if we hadn't had the health issues develop and having get rid of the milk stash I did have, I'd be feeling much differently, and we probably wouldn't be weaning at this stage.

While this is a difficult decision and does not come without some "what ifs" and sadness, I have a lot of solace in the things that the neocate can do for Z. I really hope it lowers the amount of spit up even more and help her stomach heal faster. Never did I think we'd be here at this point, but then again, we never thought we'd be dealing with an allergy, either!

Giving to others...

Today, even as I sit here sick with a cold, Zoe has a cold, and Noah is getting over one, we were able to give to another Mommy and baby something very special, and it made us all feel very good afterward.

In July, when we found out that Z had her allergies, one of my first thoughts had been, "Oh my goodness, I have a ton of pumped milk in my freezer...and she can't have any of it!" I was devastated, to say the least. If anyone has ever pumped, you know how long and how much work it is to build up a good stash. By good, I mean I had 261.5oz pumped. That's a HUGE amount, and would have had, if I didn't have to start over, over 300oz by the time school started, which was a goal of mine. This way, Zoe would have had plenty of milk if I couldn't keep up at work (it's hard to be able to find the time to pump more than 1 time at work), and she'd have plenty of milk for her cereal. But, that wasn't the case, and here we are doing what we ARE doing today (that's a different post for a different day).

So, I was pretty emotional about the whole thing with my milk. There was no way I could give it to Zoe, as it was making her sick. But, there was no way I could just DUMP it down the sink. Like I said, if you have ever pumped, you know how much that is, and how hard it is to build that much. It took up probably about half of our freezer. I stumbled upon MilkShare.org (thanks Becky) and posted that I had a one time donation for the Boston area. I had a few people email me requesting the milk (including people from out of state, which I politely declined). I wanted to see the person I was donating the milk to, and I also didn't want to go through the hassle of packing up frozen milk to mail across the country, if there was a need here in the area.

The person we went with, after much deliberation, was a woman who is in the process of adopting a little girl who is just a month older than Zoe. This little girl came from a very troubled background, and suffice it to say, needed the nutrients and magic of breastmilk. I won't go into the details, but it was heartbreaking to hear about. It was also great to meet the little girl and see how much she has been thriving in this new environment. She and Zoe seemed to click and "talk" to each other. We talked to the mother for a little bit and then emptied out the freezer with the breastmilk that Zoe can't have to give to this mom for her little girl. It was tough to see it go, knowing that my little girl can't use that milk...but looking at it every day wasn't making it any easier to keep it there, waiting for this woman to come and take the milk away. What made it easy to give to her was that she wanted the best for her daughter. It made it easy to hear about how hard of a time she had on the formula, but how HARD her mommy was working to make sure that this baby was having breastmilk, and for the length of time she wants her daughter to have it (18-24 months). That's going to be a lot of work, and I'm very happy to have been able to help that family out.

It's sad to see all of that milk gone, but it's good to know that it is going to help this little girl out and get her to be as healthy as she can be, given her circumstances. I don't know how much it'll last for her, but for Zoe, that was about a month's worth of milk (for day care only). I know the mother was grateful, and told me she'd put us on her email list for updates on her daughter.

Father's Day

I just wanted to drop in to thank my wife for the best Father's Day present a guy could ask for: the daughter without whom today would have been just another day. Zoe is a new surprise every day and I wouldn't change a thing.

**editted 6/19/08**

Here is a picture of Z on her way to begin the Father's Day weekend...she was ready for FUN!

Sleepy Z

This picture is a few weeks old, but it's the last one we took of Z sleeping. We started swaddling Z again at the suggestion of the ladies at the BBC message boards. Z went from sleeping 5-6 hours before waking up at the most to sleeping 7.5 the first night, 8 the next, and 9 the next two! Wow! She'll then go back to sleep for an hour and a half. I wonder if the alarm clock is what gets her up. And I've been able to get her to nap a little better too...at least 45 minute stretches 3 times a day. She might doze off here or there at other points, but it's only 10 minutes here, 15 there. We're getting a nice bedtime routine going on. Who wouldn't enjoy getting a fresh diaper, a massage with lotion, someone putting clean pjs on you, swaddling tight in a Swaddle Me, read two stories and then get rocked to sleep? C'mon, we all wish we could get that kind of pampering!

Mother's Day

So this is a little late. I wanted to do this one the big day but it was very busy. First, I need to mention something though. Blame it on momnesia! On Thursday, April 24th, Z took a trip with Mommy and Grandma C to see Grandpa C at his work. Grandpa was so excited to show off his new granddaughter to everyone he worked with. Z really enjoyed herself and wanted to thank everyone she met who said such great things about her. She loves the attention! After, Grandma, Grandpa, Mommy, and Zoe went to lunch. Grandma, Mommy and Z went shopping at the Mall of NH after and bought some really cool outfits! Z is decked out for summer now!!

Anyway, my first Mother's Day was a bit surreal. It was weird to know that I get to be celebrated. After all, for the last 31 Mother's Days, it was a day to honor MY mother and grandmother. Because it was going to be so busy on Sunday, Noah and I decided to celebrate on Saturday. Originally, I had wanted to go to the zoo, something low-key but family oriented. However, due to cicumstances beyond our control with our new hot water heater not working, we needed to stay home and wait for it to be fixed. That's okay. We hung out in our pjs all day and took it easy. Daddy made breakfast of french toast, sliced cantelope, biscuits, coffee, and OJ. Then I got some nice gifts. Before, I had roses from Grandma and Grandpa B and Uncle G. I also got cards from some people. Daddy gave me a mother's necklace--gold with diamond chips. Zoe gave me 2 books--Mommy's Hugs and The Grouchy Ladybug. I love reading the books to Zoe, and as she's gotten older, she's able to look at the pictures and listen to the rhythm more.

The next day started with a HOT shower with hot water from our new hot water heater! Then it was off to Grandma and Grandpa C's for brunch with Uncle J and Auntie J. I got more flowers that I can't wait to plant with Z. Auntie couldn't resist getting Z a new purple ladybug outfit. Then it was off to visit with Grandma and Grandpa B, Uncle G, Auntie D, and Uncle J. We went to a very nice restaurant. Z slept in her carseat for the beginning--on the floor because they just didn't have baby accommodations. Oh well. She did end up sitting like a big girl on Mommy's lap, then Grandma's, and then Auntie's. Dessert was at Uncle J and Auntie D's. It was a long day that unfortunately got longer because every highway we took home had night construction! Zoe was great though and slept through it. While she was a little out of sorts Monday, it wasn't like it was in past weekends when it's a long weekend. What a trooper!

Being a mom is a wonderful experience. Yes it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but I love it. It's the one job I've always wanted. Z's smiles make it all worth it. Even a 3am, I can smile when she looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes and gives me that big toothless grin, it's hard to resist! Like her Daddy says, those grins and eyes have such happiness in them. They have such innocence, love and joy. I love to hold Zoe, watch her sleep, listen to her breath, coo, and talk. Even when she's throwing a tantrum, when I can take a step back and not take it personally, there is some humor there. Zoe is something that no one can take from me. Her father and I brought her into this world full of love, and I know the two of us will do whatever it takes to keep her happy. I know we aren't the only ones either. I know Mother's Day is to honor mothers, but I feel honored to be Z's mom. She helps me to be a better person. I feel like I need to honor her in some way.

Thank you, Zoe, for helping me be a better person. Thank you for being my daughter and allowing me to be a mom. It's all I've ever wanted.

Something Special

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thoughts from a New Mom

Last week, while I would be driving around with Zoe, running errands and seeing people, the radio station I keep on in the car, Mix 98.5 (yeah, hold the commentary, I know what some of you think of that station!) was having a radiothon for Children's Hospital in Boston. They call it Mix Cares for Kids. While listening to the radio, you'd hear remixes of songs that had stories from kids, parents, and other family and friends of those who are at Children's or have been patients there. There were all kinds of things that were encouraging, exciting, heart wrenching, and downright depressing.

If you know me, you know how sappy a person I can get when I hear that kind of thing. I always have...however it was so much more now that Zoe has come into my life. I would look at her by way of the mirror and be so thankful for what I have. I look at her now, thinking about what I'm writing, with her snoozing in her jungle swing, so peaceful and content, and just think, "wow, I'm so freakin' lucky." I hope we never need to use Children's Hospital, but if we do, I'm so glad it's there. I'm so glad it's nearby, it's easy to get to, and that the doctors, nurses and other people do what they do. I'm so happy that Zoe is a happy and healthy six and a half week old baby, with no signs of anything wrong with her. I am so happy to know that she is my daughter, that she was brought into a happy, healthy, loving family, to two parents who are so head over heals in love with her, they don't know how lucky they got....we definitely feel blessed and very lucky.

I could go on and on about this...I don't write this to be a sad post, I write this to celebrate the good we have. We didn't find out about Zoe until we were almost done the first trimester. In that time, I went through my normal coffee drinking, wine drinking, and taking the medication I had been on. Thankfully, the medication I was on was not a high dose, and not anything I needed to be on...but it was still a concern for a first time mom. I didn't drink gallons of coffee OR wine, so that wasn't a concern..but I still worried. I think it's only natural to do so. Of course, everything is ALL right. Everything is NORMAL. She is perfect in every single way. This is why I feel so very lucky. Zoe was not planned. She was not expected. But, she is the best thing that has happened to us and we wouldn't change the course of events for anything in the world.

Zoe is a smart baby, she's reaching all of her milestones, she's doing all the right things, and she is loved by everyone who comes into contact with her. She has this uncanny ability to have those who you wouldn't expect to fall in love with her...to fall head over heals for her in a way that I don't think anyone would expect. She's a doll, she's our little angel, and our perfect little love bug.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say, I'm so happy for what I have, for what is available to us, and hope we never need to use those resources that are available. If we do, though, I know we're going to get the best care in the area at Children's Hospital...to those who work there, THANK YOU. To those who've used it, I'm so glad it was there for you. And to those who don't need it, hug your children just a little bit closer. Love them just a little bit more. And, kiss them just a little bit more. I know that's what I've been doing with Zoe.

First post!

Noah and I have decided to start this blog to chronicle our daughter as she grows. She will be born via c-section on February 6, 2008. Our daughter already has quite the personality. She is breech, and just does NOT want to move from that position. I'm sure she just wants to make sure that she is given full control of the situation. She moves around a lot in my belly...moving and making waves. She kicks her dad when he touches her, and moves around when he tries to talk to her. She likes her sweets, and is particularly fond of orange juice. She also thinks that when it's time for bed, it means it's time for HER to dance and play.

We have not told anyone her name yet, and will not be sharing the blog with anyone until after she is born. People have been teasing us about it, but understand why we aren't going to do that. We just don't want anyone to share their comments with us--being a teacher, it was VERY hard to find a name that I couldn't associate with a student, positively or negatively. It was easier for a girl's name than a boy's name, but it is still hard. Noah actually came up with the first name. He really liked the name, and so did I. Then the middle name took a lot longer. We were finally able to narrow it down to two, both family names. Noah didn't want Elizabeth (because he knows so many of us with that as our middle name, his wife included!!). To be honest, we BOTH wanted her to have her own name. I'll talk more about choosing the middle name after she's born.

We're both a bundle of emotions right now. We're anxious to meet our little bundle, excited, nervous, happy, and really looking forward to it. I think I'm happy that I KNOW the day she's coming, instead of wondering about every little twinge and cramp, but it still is nerve wracking waiting, just waiting...My last day of work was Friday, and it was much harder than I thought it'd be knowing I wouldn't be in on Monday. It was emotional for me, not knowing who is coming in to semi-permanently replace me until June, handing over my job, my students, my classroom and all that is in it, to someone I don't know. Knowing that the one assistant I've worked with a lot this year (who has to suddenly move the same time) won't be there is sad as well. The people at school surprised me with two showers, a really nice thing. The sixth grade teachers and then my special education department the next day. We got some nice things for the baby--books, clothes, diapers, lots of things. We are SET.

But I digress...This has been a very emotional time for me, for Noah, for everyone. I'd like to take this time, as I'm sure I'll forget later, to THANK everyone who's been around. I'm sure Noah will agree...everyone has had a hand in helping us in the last many months. Family, friends, co-workers, even strangers, have been more than helpful in making this time easier for us. I won't call people out until I know it's okay to put your name in the blog. But, recently, people have offered their time to help when the baby's born (because I can't drive right away, won't be able to move around much, all that), cooking food for us, getting us those last minute things, making sure this baby has the things that she needs for the cold weather (we ended up with 2 snowsuits!), and anything else we may not have even thought of. Even the gift cards have been immensely helpful. SO, thank you to all of you. Even just letting us talk when we've needed to talk has been wonderful. We feel very very lucky. We have had people we don't even KNOW offer up support and gifts...Thank you all.

We know it will be overwhelming in the beginning. We know that a lot of people are excited for us. We really appreciate it. We know that when we get home, people are going to want to come visit, and we would love to see you. We are going to be in the hospital for four days, and we know that some of you will come to the hospital...that is fine too. Just don't expect me to be the hostess with the mostess! :) I know who you REALLY want to see, anyway!!